Staring contest

A fellow Yogini couldn't have said it better. Like her, I was having a "staring contest" with my mat which has been going on for almost two months now. It beckons me as it leans against my wall and I look back at it intently but lack the will to approach. What is wrong with me?  I fear the longer I am off the mat, the harder it will be for me to get on it.

My lack of enthusiasm can be explained by one, having no time for myself and, two, by feelings of trepidation and being intimidated by having to ease back into a physically and mentally demanding practice such as ashtanga vinyasa yoga.  Thirdly,  much as I would like to go to the shala for adjustments (I hate to admit) I am trailing others in my practice as it seems second series is the new first series these days. Sigh! There I've said it. My ego is getting in the way of my practice. Bad, bad, Yogini.

First Quarterly Exams and a Funeral

"How are you?", my teacher Edith asked. To put it mildly, life off the mat has been hectic, I texted back. Just after I had jumpstarted my yoga practice with a week of Mysore mornings with  John Scott and counted led classes every Sunday with Becky, first quarterly examination reviewing and then my Lola's passing kept me...occupied. 

Instead of getting all testy about being unable to practice, I recall one of JS' workshops here in Manila, his earliest in 2009 I believe, when he said that yoga asanas are not simply those learned in the ashtanga vinyasa yoga series, from first to fifth. There are  countless asanas-more than 72,000 in fact-which cannot be taught. Why? Because a person's every moment of life is considered an asana. Seeing the collective nodding, John didn't really elaborate but I think he had meant that yoga is life because one strives to find balance in every waking or unconscious moment. That's just how I got it and that's been the definition of yoga that resonates in me and which has become most indelible among all of John's lectures.

I suppose that's also been why I haven't been so hung up about missing practice at the shala...although I do pine for the company of like-minded individuals. A lack of socialization is one of the "hazards" of the job of teacher-Moms. 

So I'm really excited about seeing the yogis tomorrow evening for the Cloud Atlas screening. Have been anticipating this latest film by the Andy and Lana Wachowski, whom I really look up to for giving us the brilliant Matrix Trilogy. Om.

At the Stillpoint

In Salcedo, Makati that is. Such a cozy hOMe Becky and Karen have made of it. With the help of Stillpoint regulars who stash their mats, towels, bath products and other belongings there and make the shala look like a cross between a college dormitory and  serious ashram. After practice, one is greeted with the sound of fresh fruit juice concoctions and the smell of oven-baked goodness which are offered and passed around freely and generously. Such is the spirit of sharing at Stillpoint Manila. How I've missed it! Om.

Upside, downside

Reality sets in. I was growing very apprehensive about my lack of preparation for John's Mysore workshop. I was coming in cold, I told Karen when I met her at the shala before my appointed 8:15 a.m. practice. For a month a nasty bug had besieged our home sickening my son, daughter, baby and myself in its wake. That meant resting, recuperating, recovering and not practising for 30 days.  In addition I had to get up at 5 a.m. for one week to beat the rush hour traffic to Makati. I had to sneak out before my kids awoke, skip breakfast and drive while sleepy and with the day semi-dark and still dewy. On the upside, this guaranteed me a parking space safely behind the shala and best of all, gave me a close view of how John and Becky taught and adjusted the 6:15 a.m. group of practitioners.    

Being early also gave me the opportunity to re-acquaint myself with the counted vinyasa that Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga advocates and which I had been working on every Sunday with B during her Led class.  For a while and before THAT virus struck,  I had come to prefer Led classes over Mysore practice because of the meditative effect counted vinyasa began to have over me. From time to time, I would catch myself closing my eyes and fully concentrating on synchronizing breath and bandhas. And only when the asana got too challenging did I lose that synchronicity.

Upside, downside. For some would be a question of perspective. I think it's just a matter of balance. Om.

Meant to Be

Some things are meant to be. The week before the JS workshop, B messaged me that someone had backed out of the week of Mysore morning practice with John. "Are you still free for that?" she asked. Not normally one to call back, I didn't just text her but quickly called her mobile to thank her (profusely) and accept. Thank you God for kind and beautiful beings like Becky.  Life is sweet. Om.

Missed opportunity

This may be the second time in a row that I will miss another workshop with JS. I am really desolate, despondent and at times depressed about it but life is like that. I can think of another D word to describe exactly how i feel but i will keep my bandhas engaged and my mouth shut. I guess I deserve this, I had seen the announcement on John's website a few months back and procrasinated, i should've contacted B to save space for me. Oh well...I am grateful to have been to 2 of his previous workshops here in '09 and in 2010.  Let other people have the opportunity to love and learn from this beautiful being this time. Inhale, exhale, wail...

Changes, changes

It's been a while, almost 2 years to be precise. I got pregnant, gave birth and now have a 1 year old son, named Manu the love of my life (along with my husband and two other children). I am happy with life and except for the momentary chaos of moving homes, the only major hiccup in the past couple of years has been the absence of asana practice. 

I am grateful for having a family, a roof above our heads and home-cooked and healthy meals every day. What has been eating me up though was not being able to come to the mat, fatigue getting the best of me and with no energy from being up most of the night with my baby and reserving the energy that I had left for homeschooling my older kids during the day.

Since Manu turned 1, I have been trying to have more Me time by re-connecting with my Teachers recently. I have often read about the experience of many who suddenly breakdown during practice, mine finally and thankfully came while lying in Savasana after a full primary series practice and with my head bashfully hidden under my towel. E and B, it has been so rewarding to see you again. In photo below from L to R: Sig, Moy Becky, Me, E and Ly at this year's Global Mala Project celebration.

I am inspired. Om, Om, Om.    http://www.stillpointmanila.com/index1.html