Missed opportunity

This may be the second time in a row that I will miss another workshop with JS. I am really desolate, despondent and at times depressed about it but life is like that. I can think of another D word to describe exactly how i feel but i will keep my bandhas engaged and my mouth shut. I guess I deserve this, I had seen the announcement on John's website a few months back and procrasinated, i should've contacted B to save space for me. Oh well...I am grateful to have been to 2 of his previous workshops here in '09 and in 2010.  Let other people have the opportunity to love and learn from this beautiful being this time. Inhale, exhale, wail...

Changes, changes

It's been a while, almost 2 years to be precise. I got pregnant, gave birth and now have a 1 year old son, named Manu the love of my life (along with my husband and two other children). I am happy with life and except for the momentary chaos of moving homes, the only major hiccup in the past couple of years has been the absence of asana practice. 

I am grateful for having a family, a roof above our heads and home-cooked and healthy meals every day. What has been eating me up though was not being able to come to the mat, fatigue getting the best of me and with no energy from being up most of the night with my baby and reserving the energy that I had left for homeschooling my older kids during the day.

Since Manu turned 1, I have been trying to have more Me time by re-connecting with my Teachers recently. I have often read about the experience of many who suddenly breakdown during practice, mine finally and thankfully came while lying in Savasana after a full primary series practice and with my head bashfully hidden under my towel. E and B, it has been so rewarding to see you again. In photo below from L to R: Sig, Moy Becky, Me, E and Ly at this year's Global Mala Project celebration.

I am inspired. Om, Om, Om.    http://www.stillpointmanila.com/index1.html

The stillness ringing in my ears

Inhaling
Exhaling
Rising
Falling
Lavender specks
Appearing
Fading
Gentle
So peaceful
The roar of an engine
Itchy

The stillness was ringing in my ears, a moment later a car passes and my shoulder begins to itch. These were my observations during my first seated meditation alone, which lasted exactly 10 minutes. Homework that E gave us at our last practice. Very effective. Now I have a reference whenever my mind and drishti drifts during practice. Thanks E. Om.

Lead with the heart, follow with the head

Lead with your heart, follow with your head. My new mantra and the intention set in my mind as I practice yoga. Being surrounded by such beautiful beings—both teachers and classmates alike--with sage-like wisdom is like an elixir.

I’m trying to soften the edges around my “self” which has been hardened by a combination of intellect and painful experiences. I was young, ambitious, assertive, staunchly independent, hard-working, critical (though not judgmental), proactive, always reading between the lines and looking for loopholes…these were the traits that defined me and gave me an “invincible spirit” and as a result made me less connected with God.

I want to repair that relationship with the Supreme, higher being. After all, how can one watch the sun rise and set without acknowledging that it surpasses all things man-made? Surely the sun is something to be grateful to God for.

I’m starting by embracing and learning to love what I used to avoid: making small talk with my mom even if we are complete opposites; trying to be more compassionate towards less educated drivers and pedestrians; and—surprise, surprise!—dropping back to my heart’s delight during practice (with help of course from my teachers Edith and Becky whom I simply L-O-V-E).

Just a note on backbends. From Gregor Maehle’s book:

“In our experience, individuals with an open backbend find it easy to accept others without judgment, and there is at least anecdotal evidence that progress in backbending is related to acquiring a more open and sympathetic character. Since it improves our feminine qualities, backbending seems to help us to see value in the opinions of others even if these are contrary to our own. As backbending softens what can be called the “armor” or “cage of the heart—that is, the rib cage—it makes us compassionate and helps us to open our hearts to those disadvantaged or in need.

However not everyone who has an open backbend is a genuine, loving human being, and not every stiff back bender is a selfish, hung-up miser. One’s backbending seems to improve if one imagines the qualities and attributes associated with backbends while performing them.”

Lead with the heart, follow with the head. Om.

image from http://www.tevenei.com/

Beauty-full light welcOMes all

There will be no correct clothes
There will be no proper payment
There will be no right answers
No glorified teachers
No ego no script no pedestals
No You're not good enough or rich enough


Yoga is for everyone
This sweating and breathing and becoming
This knowing glowing feeling
Is for the big small weak and strong
Able and crazy
Brothers sisters granmothers
The mighty and meek
Bones that creak
Those who seek


This power is for everyone
Yoga to the People
All bodies rise

-The Yoga Manifesto-
ubuntu (i am, because we are)

The African word, ubuntu, means 'Humanity to others’, or ‘I am what I am because of who we all are’. This mantra is on the Facebook wall of Becky, who very recently opened Stillpoint Manila, a hOMe for all because yoga is for everyone. Congratulations Becky! Om.

Becky and E. Plus Karen = Three beauty-full lights! Photo taken by Jing Tobias.

Yo-GAGA

We were doing Surys A and B while listening to Lady Gaga. E imported her teenage grand daughter's playlist and blasted it away at hOMe. You gotta love practise at hOMe! Expect the unexpected, really. She wanted us to know that we shouldn't take ourselves too seriously and let our inner free spirit loose at times. So she gave us each wildly-coloured bandanas to wear and encouraged us to shake our booties when we felt like it, even if you are in Uthita Hasta Padangusthasana--which was when I got the sillies out as I heard, "Like A Virgin", the Glee version. If you want to be over-analytical about the whole exercise, it can also be viewed as a challenge to stay focused on your breathing and remain in equanimity even with crazy music playing.

It was great FUN, I have to admit. And I enjoyed semi-sychronised yoga with Saar who was beside me and who I lost somewhere in the seated poses. Hope we do this again, Art wants to play music from Feist next time, while Chinky brilliantly suggested some Black-Eyed Peas. Yeaaahhh!

A hOMe practise

Notice how slowly and quietly they walk? That’s because these monks worship the ground beneath their feet. They tread carefully with respect and reverence for the earth, ever mindful not to disturb, disrupt or dishevel even the finest grain of sand.

And that is what engaging your bandhas 24/7 should be like. Embrace this and maybe bandha control will come more naturally. Also call to mind YS 1.33 whereby every living creature is treated with love and respect or with restraint and equanimity.

Thanks Guru E for clearing that up. Teacher had us walking the length of our mats with both uddhiyana and mula bandhas activated, toes curling up, and just the 4 corners of the soles of our feet touching the floor. There is a big difference, I tell you. Our gait was lighter, for one. Try it and feel the difference.

Practise is changing somewhat in that I’ve begun to let go of my asana hang-ups already and really look forward to these pre and post practice discussions with E and my classmates. This is the hOMe practice I’ve come to love. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to rush back home but the children await.

Our mantra that night during Mysore practice was simple: “Inhale, exhale”. Guru E said that this was the solution to the “issues” we were struggling with. Mine is to remember when to do full-standing vinyasas. I forget when to go back to Samasthiti after E drops me back. For Lai, it’s remembering the asanas at the latter part of the primary series and when to do chakrasana. For some, it’s how to tame mind fluctuations. According to E, following that mantra would help keep us focused on  properly getting out of the asanas (which we often neglect).

Photo is taken by Hugh Sitton available at Getty Images.